I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
