Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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