PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
