Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
