i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
