I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
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