And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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