also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
