And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
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I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
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see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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