ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
