and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
