I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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