Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
