roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
