Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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