we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
