he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize