Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
