I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
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she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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