Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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