she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
