i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
