I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
