No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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