It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
it was like eating out sand paper
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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