Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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