so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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