i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
