I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
