cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
