Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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