T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
