The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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