The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
