I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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