Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
