dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
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Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
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I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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