I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
