your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
3pm strippers are depressing
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
