I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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