My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
