Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
my being single is dangerous.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
