my being single is dangerous.
it's great music for shaving your balls
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
