if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
