this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
