Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
