Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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