So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
NoShamevember. You game?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
