Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
