Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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