names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
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He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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