that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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