I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
