my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
