i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
