How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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