but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
