i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
