yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize