His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
