i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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