He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
