why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
