HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
