I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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