i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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